Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
