Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize