i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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