k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
