I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
