Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize