remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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