his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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