The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You ruined the universe
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
