i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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