I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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