you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
