I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
