You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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