it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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