see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
