Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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