thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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