does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
