Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
