check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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