You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
