Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
