STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
