He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
