I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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