ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
