i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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