I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
