Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
