I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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