just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
a search helicopter?!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
