my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
