I just made out with a guy for $7.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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