Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
