Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
