I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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