'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
