I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
