and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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