why didn't you poke me back
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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