the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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