I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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