her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
