I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ladies don't puke and tell
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize