I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize