i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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