My room smells like vodka and shame
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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