I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
