Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
