a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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