This girl is more easily done than said...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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