I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
