doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
