i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
