Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize