this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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