I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
