too bad you live with your parents still
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
