WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
