WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
