A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
