I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
