I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize