just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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