he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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