I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
